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The gene for our depression appears to be X-linked, passed to sons by women who only were carriers and were not effected by it, just like color blindness. One of the five of we male descendants of the Moore sisters shot himself in his twenties. One checks into a clinic from time to time. Once I was watching my brother sitting at his drawing board motionless, unable to move his pencil for all of one day and most of the next. I said that perhaps he should take a break and go windsurfing. It was his own business. No one would ever know. Nothing was being accomplished here anyway. He said that he couldn't leave. He had to get this done. And continued to sit paralyzed by depression for three days without moving his pencil. It was nothing new. I escape into creative endeavors. They don't cure it, but they distract me from it. I figured out that what increases depression for me is people. So I became a recluse. Social skills disappear over time under such circumstances. The ancient Greeks used the word "idiot" to refer to a person who, because of living in isolation (in their case, in rural areas) was lacking in social skills. Today some people achieve that state through psycho pharmaceuticals. I did it naturally. I escape into creative endeavors that consume me day and night for long stretches of time, months when possible. I try to do more mundane things, but in the end I always have to quit them before they are the end of me. A few times I asked my Mom about some uncles of hers of whom she always was dismissive. She did not think much of them. She never said much more than that she never understood them. I think I do. |
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